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pleasantly. From its nest of sweet-smelling cedar chips, the gerbil peers out at me with its bright
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eyes, its tiny claws scratching against the cage wall. The floor around the wastebasket that is next
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to the desk is surrounded by what appears to be a sprinkling of snowballs. They re actually old
wadded-up school papers, and I can picture Greg sitting on his bed, crushing them into balls and
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aiming them at the basket the trash can. I glance at the bed across from the desk and chuckle
because pillows stuffed under the tangled nest of blankets make it look as if someone is still sleeping
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there, though I know Greg is in history class right now. I step carefully through the room, trying to
walk through the obstacle course of science-fiction paperbacks, a wristwatch, sports magazines, and
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a dust-covered computer on which my son stacks empty soda cans. I leave everything as I find it,
but tape a note to Greg s door saying, Isn t it about time to clean up?
A Depressing Place
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The pet shop in the mall is a depressing place. A display window attracts passersby who stare
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at the prisoners penned inside. In the right-hand side of the window, two puppies press their
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forepaws against the glass and attempt to lick the human hands that press from the outside. A
cardboard barrier separates the dogs from several black-and-white kittens piled together in the
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opposite end of the window. Inside the shop, rows of wire cages line one wall from top to bottom.
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At first, it is hard to tell whether a bird, hamster, gerbil, cat, or dog is locked inside each cage. Only
an occasional movement or a clawing, shuffling sound tells visitors that living creatures are inside.
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Running down the center of the store is a line of large wooden perches that look like coat racks.
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When customers pass by, the parrots and mynahs chained to these perches flutter their clipped
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wings in a useless attempt to escape. At the end of this center aisle is a large plastic tub of dirty,
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stagnant-looking water containing a few motionless turtles. The shelves against the left-hand wall
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are packed with all kinds of pet-related items. The smell inside the entire shop is an unpleasant
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mixture of strong chemical deodorizers, urine-soaked newspapers, and musty sawdust. Because
so many animals are crammed together, the normally pleasant, slightly milky smell of the puppies
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and kittens is sour and strong. The droppings inside the uncleaned birdcages give off a dry,
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stinging odor. Visitors hurry out of the shop, anxious to feel fresh air and sunlight. The animals
stay on.
About Unity
1 Which paragraph lacks a topic sentence?
2 Which sentence in the paragraph about Karla should be omitted in the interest of paragraph unity?
(Write the sentence number here.)
About Support
3. Label as sight, touch, hearing, or smell all the sensory details in the following sentences taken from
the three paragraphs. The first sentence is done for you as an example.
smell
a. From its nest of sweet-smelling cedar chips, the gerbil peers out at me
sight sight hearing
with its bright eyes, its tiny claws scratching against the cage wall.
b. Because so many animals are crammed together, the normally pleasant, slightly milky smell of
the puppies and kittens is sour and strong.
c. Her slender hands are tipped with long, polished nails.
d. That s the location of a white wicker clothes hamper, heaped with grass-stained jeans,
sweat-stained T-shirts, and smelly socks.
4. After which sentence in A Depressing Place are specific details needed?
About Coherence
1 Spatial signals (above, next to, to the right, and so on) are often used to help organize details in a
descriptive paragraph. List four space signals that appear in My Teenage Son s Room :
2 The writer of Karla organizes the details by observing Karla in an orderly way. Which of
Karla s features is described first? Which is described last? Check the method of spatial organization that
best describes the paragraph:
Interior to exterior
Near to far
Top to bottom
Developing a Descriptive Paragraph
Development through Prewriting
When Victor was assigned a descriptive paragraph, he thought at first of describing his own office at
work. He began by making a list of details he noticed while looking around the offi ce:
But Victor quickly became bored. Here is how he describes what happened next: As I wrote down
what I saw in my office, I was thinking, What a drag. I gave up and worked on something else. Later
that evening I told my wife that I
was going to write a boring paragraph about my boring office. She started laughing at me.
I said, What s so funny? and she said, You re so certain that a writing assignment has to
be boring that you deliberately chose a subject that bores you. How about writing about
something you care about? At first I was annoyed, but then I realized she was right.
When I hear assignment I automatically think pain in the neck and just want to get it
over with.
Victor s attitude is not uncommon. Many students who are not experienced writers
don t take the time to find a topic that interests them. They grab the one closest at hand
and force themselves to write about it just for the sake of completing the assignment. Like
Victor, they ensure that they (and probably their instructors as well) will be bored with the
task.
In Victor s case, he decided that this assignment would be different. That evening as
he talked with his son, Mikey, he remembered a visit the two had made to a mall a few
days earlier. Mikey had asked Victor to take him to the pet store. Victor had found the
store a very unpleasant place. As I remembered the store, I recalled a lot of descriptive
details sounds, smells, sights, Victor said. I realized not only that it would be easier to
describe a place like that than my bland, boring office, but that I would actually find it an
interesting challenge to make a reader see it through my words. For me to realize writing
could be enjoyable was a real shock!
Now that Victor had his subject, he began making a list of details about the pet shop.
Here is what he wrote:
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